A Wasted Sunday

It was the first solo day I had all to myself in a long time.

Madison was out of town and I had the house to myself.

I had a complete day of nothingness to be filled with whatever I wanted to fill it with.

And after that Sunday, I had another week of solo to continue filling it how I wanted.

This Sunday, I thought, would set the pace for the rest of the week, a period of alone time that I wanted to maximize with introspection, planning, routine building and other focuses I haven’t yet committed to.

Yet despite my best intentions, I did hardly any of what I intentioned.

Maybe because I didn’t have an exact plan?

Well, I did, just not exact.

The bulk of my day centered around a Top Golf outing starting at noon… that fell apart at 11:45.

For whatever reasons, my friends didn’t fully actualize their dreams for the day.

Maybe we were all on the same page.

But now a solid chunk of my Sunday freed up to be replaced by nothingness.

Opportunity landed in my lap and I didn’t do much with it.

I ended up not even leaving the house for the rest of the day.

Well, except to walk my dogs.

But I could have done so much!

Barton Springs.

Visit a new brewery or restaurant with friends.

Go for a hike.

Ride a bike (I still don’t have one).

I could have planned my week, outlined business needs, read more, meal prepped and *insert anything else*

But I didn’t.

I did float in my pool breathing deeply.

I did lay in my hammock thinking about life.

I did begrudgingly work on some computer tasks that were overdue.

I did take my dogs for a walk.

But I didn’t really do what I really really wanted to do.

I let myself down by not doing the things I wanted to do but that took a little bit more effort than the others.

Which doesn’t make me feel good.

I fell short of my expectations of myself.

My girlfriend would convince me it’s OK.

“One day we won’t have time for lazy Sunday’s and just chill time and we will wish we had taken advantage of it when we had it.”

I get that perspective…

And it’s helped me slow down more and to find acceptance in the slow and calm.

But also, in five years, when I *might* not have time to take off for myself, I don’t think I will have wished that I just relaxed.

I think I will have wished that I did more.

Instead of lounging on the couch, watching Netflix and eating leftovers…

I would have wished that I tried something new, went out into the world, took a risk, tried something new.

But yesterday, I didn’t.

And I don’t want to many more days where I don’t.