3 Ways to Be Happier, scientifically

I’m loving this book “The Wisest One in the Room” that’s a deep dive into social psychology.

I’ve read quite a bit about positive psychology and personal development and have spent some serious spans of my life devoted to optimizing myself…

But this book brings up some new ideas (or maybe just new perspectives) that I’ve really enjoyed learning aboutl

1. Peak-End Rule

“What we recall about any experience — what lives on and determines our long-term sense of enjoyment or pain — is generally governed by what it was like at it’s most extreme moment and what it was like at the end.”

We remember bits and pieces of an experience, and usually the highest point or lowest point of that experience is what we remember the most.

A great way they explained this is that “memory does not make films, it makes photographs.”

• That incredible sunset, surrounded by friends, celebrating life is more memorable than the treacherous and exhausting hike to the peak.

• “The dinner was mediocre but wow, that dessert was the best I’ve had.” - a strategy pointed out by my friend Joe Kerns

• Bunjee jumping, that one wild night and getting lost in the back streets > duration of the trip

2. The Accumulation of Experiences

“There are good reasons why the accumulation of experience feels good and promotes happiness. The urge to explore, accrue information about the world…makes evolutionary sense. Feeling good about mastering novelty through learning appears to be the currency with which the brain is bribed into leaving the couch and venturing outside.”

For a long time, I’ve aligned with the idea that memories are far more valuable than accessories.

I would much rather go somewhere or do something than buy a thing.

*Hopefully* you know this and do the same.

It’s a life hack that regardless makes you happier.

Doing that thing makes you happier than buying that thing.

But I didn’t realize this is wired into our brain because of survival. Our brain rewards us for action because during the time of our ancestors if we didn’t act, we died.

Progress promotes happiness.

Striving equals fulfillment.

Playing the game is better than winning.

As Shakespeare said, “Things won are done; joy’s soul lies in the doing.”

3. Comparison is the thief of joy (and it’s worse when comparing things)

As soon as you start to measure yourself against someone else, you’ve lost.

For a bunch of reasons.

Mainly, we measure a specific external output against our internal. We see only the shiniest of things on their outside and all of the shadows on our inside.

So first and foremost, the lesson is to only measure ourselves against ourselves, yesterday.

We’re our only competition.

But jumping back up to number 2, measuring experiences results in a far less devastating personal degradation compared to measuring possessions.

You’re never going to be as good looking, have the fastest car or the biggest car. Nevereverever.

But how does your trip to Six Flags compare to her trip to the Bahamas?

They really don’t compare, and thus you’re far less likely to experience the regret, shame, sadness of the comparison as if you were comparing your new car, apartment or anything else material.

Apples to apples you can compare cars, clothes or anyyyyyy other items… and you’ll pretty much always lose.

It’s not the case with experiences.

Compare memories and you’ll pretty much always win.

All in all, studying and learning about psychology and ingrained, neurological programming gives us clues on how to stack the game in our favor.

If we know that scientifically making this choice far outweighs that choice, then we can logically choose to act in ways that make us happier.

Each proven data point acts as a nudge to chose actions that inevitably results in a better life…